Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life (hahaha). That is so cliche and I know it but that is kind of how I feel this morning. It has been such a long year for me healthwise and yesterday was my exchange surgery so I feel that marked the end of the health issues. I still have doctors appointments and follow up from this surgery but the bulk of what needs to be done to my body to make it whole again is over - for now. It's the "for now" that unfortunately is part of my new normal. The anxiety that I had never really experienced before. That looking over your shoulder and waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling that accompanies me in all that I do. That realization that I am not special and that at any moment the rug could be pulled out from under me and my life as I know it can be violently shaken. The realization that I can die; that I can leave my daughter and my husband and my mother, brother, neice, everyone I love to grieve me changing their lives forever. That part of my new normal is just so aweful but it is what it is and right now that is part of who I am and what I think about on a daily basis. I am hoping this blog for me will be more of a journal to let me get out my feelings and my fears so that I can make way for something better that can be part of my new normal. I have to make some good of all of this so I guess I am going to try new things and see what fits. I have also realized that I need to slow down and take care of me. Wow - that's big. If I'm not healthy I am no good to anyone.