Thankful

Disney was fun. Not as magical as last year but still fun. I'm not sure what it was that made it less than last year. Could be that nothing can top the first time. Could be that I am usually the one driving the bus so to speak and that wasn't really happening with me in the wheelchair. I felt like more of a spectator than a participant most of the night. Could be that Disney has had some budget cuts and things were really not up to their normal standards and it was noticeable. I think if you don't go much you might not notice the differences but we certainly thought that the quality of just about everything was not up to their usual standards - sad. Nonetheless, we still had fun and my daughter had a blast which is all that really matters.

We are off to New York tomorrow for Thanksgiving and I am really excited. I am looking forward to seeing my mom, watching the parade, eating the Thanksgiving meal -all of it. I am thankful that some family members will not be in attendance this year so there will be no holiday drama for a change. Wish we could take Madison into the city to see the parade but that will have to wait for another year. I am lucky the doctor agreed to let me go at all and I was not about to push my luck. I'm really not up for that anyway and I don't see a wheelchair working out too well for me at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I think it would be like at Disney where I really ended up watching the behinds of all the people standing in front of me - not pretty!! I am hoping to see some friends from high school while I am home and my aunt, uncle and cousins on the weekend. Good times. So thankful for all of them. Thankful for another year of good health. Thankful for this pregnancy. Lots and lots to be thankful for and I'm glad that this time of year makes me stop and count my blessings. I think I am focused more on Thanksgiving than usual. Generally I am busy plotting how I am going to fit in all the decking of the halls, and the shopping and the baking and all things Christmas. This year I'm just not that into Christmas yet. Gasp! If you knew me you would know that this has never happened. I still wake up at about 4am on Christmas morning and can barely contain my excitement. I just want to get everyone up and tear into the presents and just savor every last minute of the day. I love, love, love Christmas but this year not so much - at least not yet. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your families.

Off to Disney

We're off to Disney World today. We are only about an hour away and it really is one of the big benefits of living in Florida. We have come to love it there - even my husband. He was converted last Christmas when we went to Micky's Merry Christmas Party. It was just such a great night. That's what we are doing tonight. I'm hoping it is as wonderful as last year. The three of us just had so much fun. This year I will be traveling in a wheelchair. It was either agree to the wheelchair or stay home so I agreed. Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that they actually will have one available. Apparently they are rented on a first come, first served basis and since this is a night event I am a little worried that we may not get one. Not sure what I'll do at that point. I guess just sit at the rental counter and hope that someone returns one. Now as much as I enjoy Disney World, I have not resorted to wearing character clothing. I just don't get that fashion statement. A few of our neighbors in Charlotte were disney wearing women and I always found it odd. I thought maybe it was because they had children (at the time we did not) and the urge might hit once I did too. Thankfully that was not the case. No offense if you do sport disney apparel, it's just not for me.

It's All Good

Yesterday's appointment went well. The baby's heartbeat is strong and the measurements were good. The baby was measuring a little big (9 weeks 1 day instead of 8 weeks 3 days) but the doctor said he is not concerned about that. We were using the older machine which apparently has a bigger margin for error. I'm still on modified bed rest with no lifting, no exercise & no nookie. I'm a little concerned about not exercising (I think my husband is a little concerned about the no nookie!). I just lost all that weight (30 pounds) and although I obviously know I will be gaining it all back with the pregnancy, I would like to be able to stay somewhat fit. I gained 70+ pounds when I had my daughter and it was not pretty at all. For now I am just trying to eat as healthy as I can and trying to embrace the baby belly that is already beginning to emerge. My daughter nearly peed her pants the other day laughing at my belly - lovely! My daughter, by the way, is NOT happy about this baby business. She has come to the point where she likes being an only child and does not want that to change. I am hoping she comes around by the time the baby arrives but I guess she'll get used to it soon enough. I actually feel relaxed about this pregnancy for the first time since we found out about a month ago. So of course now I am concerned with all the other non important details that are suddenly more important - like the fact that I have nothing to wear. I lost the weight and I bought a couple things but I was still losing weight so I didn't want to buy much. Well, now I don't have anything that fits. I only have a few things in the new size and they fit but are getting a little snug in the waist. I thought maybe I could just wear my old clothes that are in the bigger sizes but that are all way too big still so for now I am in a bind. I don't really think I need to start wearing maternity clothes yet but I don't want to go buy more clothes in the new size because I am rapidly outgrowing them. What to do, what to do..... I also don't even know where to go for maternity clothes now. I know there are lots of stores that carry maternity now - unfortunately the doctor declared the mall strictly off limits - too much walking. So I guess it's internet shopping for me but I much prefer to buy clothes that I can see and touch.

Waiting

Waiting is going to be the death of me. Maybe that's too dramatic. Waiting is not going to literally kill me but I think it may take away the last shred of sanity I have left. I have not been posting anything as I am waiting on something very important to me and I have not wanted to jinx it. I think that may be ridiculous thinking so I am going to put it out there and hope that it will be a way to embrace it. I am pregnant - eight weeks. While I am absolutely thrilled, I am also terrified. I have had three miscarriages and an ectopic twin loss in the last three years so pregnancy does not really bring me only joy anymore. Already in this pregnancy I have had tons of blood work done to rule out a whole host of problems - all coming up normal thankfully. I have also been on bed rest and am now on modified bed rest because I am having what they called a threatened miscarriage - some bleeding and cramping for the last two and a half weeks. Thankfully my doctor has been seeing me every week and doing ultrasounds every week to ensure that the baby still has a heartbeat and is measuring correctly. These visits have been sanity savers - although the days leading up to the visits become increasingly anxiety provoking as I worry that this might be the week when it all goes south for us. This week is really the hardest so far I think because I am starting to allow myself to be happy and to be hopeful. This is also the longest between visits as I usually go in on Mondays but this week could not get an appointment until Wednesday. This is also the latest I have had a miscarriage. My first was between 8 and 9 weeks after we had already seen a heartbeat and everything seemed to be progressing normally. That baby had a rare chromosome disorder. For some reason I feel like if I can make it through this next appointment with everything in order that maybe I will breathe a little easier. I know that I will still not be out of the woods but I will be further along than I have been so that makes me hopeful that this time will be different. So I sit and I wait until Wednesday's appointment to get reassurance that all of these weird twinges and cramps and bleeding really mean nothing and that the baby is healthy and growing as it should be. Unfortunately this modified bed rest means that I really do mostly just sit and wait. I am not a patient person and I am absolutely not a person who usually does a lot of sitting around so that alone is driving me nuts! I usually don't comply. I was an awful patient when I had my breast cancer surgeries. I was up the day after I got home from my mastectomies riding to school to pick up my daughter - not driving though as I was compliant with taking my pain pills :) I tore my chest muscle after my reconstructive surgery because I just had to put together and set up my very heavy new patio furniture before company came for the fourth of July. I just don't really like being told that I can't do things. This time I am complying as best I can because the stakes are too high. I can't risk the guilt if it doesn't go well. So here I am waiting. Until Wednesday....