NYC, Stress & Relief

We were in NYC this weekend for a wedding. I have been friends with the groom since we were both 12 years old. For a while after college we lived down the street from each other in Federal Hill. We've had so much fun over the years. One of our mutual friends was the best man and in his speech he said that when you are with Josh you always get to do the best stuff. That is so true. He is the kind of guy that absolutely always knows where & how to have the best time. He has an unending supply of energy and he is a fabulous friend. If you are his friend he treats you better than any other friend you will have. I don't even get a chance to talk to him much at all anymore but he definitely always makes me feel as if no time has passed. He called me to tell me when he got engaged. When he found out I had had cancer he scolded me for not letting him know while I was going through it so that he could have helped. He told me that I was a fool for moving in with my boyfriend (now husband) when I moved to Baltimore - maybe he was wrong on that one! The point is, he is the type of friend that everyone needs. He loves you through it all and he is not afraid to speak up and hurt your feelings every once in a while if he thinks you are doing something you are going to regret. He's brutally honest and I love that - so hard to find in a friend. So, of course his wedding was THE BEST! It really was one of the best weddings I have ever been to. Very, very nice - probably cost more than my first house but that is not really what made it the best. The band was fantastic - they played all the right songs at the right time and everyone was dancing all night. The food was great, service impeccable but what really made it a top ten wedding was the bride & groom. They were so totally in love but not in an annoying and sappy way. Josh was happier than I have ever seen him and the way his wife looked at him was just beyond words. I have been in weddings in the past where even as all of the bridesmaids were lined up to go down the isle we were discussing what a big mistake it was. Most of those marriages have not ended well I'm afraid. Anyway, it was a great time and they make a great couple.

We brought my daughter out to my mom's house for the night so we could go to the wedding and she had a nice time visiting with Nannie. On Saturday we took her ice skating in Rockefeller Plaza and to see Mary Poppins. She loved the ice skating and did so well, especially considering it was her first time. Actually ice skating was probably the highlight of the day. Mary Poppins was okay but I must admit I had a hard time staying awake. I don't think that reflects on the show - just on how little sleep I have been getting lately. We also hit American Girl again this trip but this time was much quicker - in and out. We bought a birthday gift for a friend and two things for my daughter. She has not been playing with her dolls as much since our neighbor moved this summer. It was something they did together daily and I think it makes her a little sad to do without her. I am hoping that changes especially since my mother bought her Kit's tree house for Christmas. We also went to a fantastic place for dinner on Friday night - Pepolino. It's in Tribeca & the food, service, atmosphere - everything was just wonderful. The woman who owns it is super nice and we had a wonderful meal and a great time that night at dinner (and a little too much wine). It was a little pricey but definitely worth it.

I've been a bit stressed out lately. I don't usually feel very stressed about much and I really don't like feeling this way. I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions and I think I have over committed myself. I backed out today of my daughter's school auction. I don't generally do that. If I commit to something I follow through regardless of how crazy I get. In truth, I sometimes thrive on the craziness. After the first meeting I found myself just really dreading it. They had volunteered me to chair a subcommittee when in fact I had only volunteered to be on the committee and they had me working something the night of the auction. In the end, one of my commitments needed to go and since this is the one I am looking least forward to it went. I am also feeling a lot of stress over a situation that I can not actually talk about just yet but I will say that it is not health related and it something that is either going to be the best thing we've ever done or it is going to be an absolute disaster - nightmare!! There is no in the middle with this and there will be a lot of uncertainty before we get to the end so I am going to have to find a way to deal with this stress.

Breast cancer awareness month is also stressing me out. I feel like I can not escape it. It is everywhere. I remember wondering if there would ever be a time where cancer did not occupy nearly every one of my thoughts. I have reached that time. I think about cancer every day and I examine my reconstructed breasts every day. I do worry more about my health now than before too but I do not live in constant fear and worry anymore. Cancer for the moment does not have a stronghold on my life like it did. The problem with the pink ribbons everywhere is that although it is good to make people aware of breast cancer, it has become almost ridiculous and it is something that a lot of cancer survivors have a difficult time seeing. I do not need to be reminded of it. I am a breast cancer survivor just the same as I am right handed and have brown eyes. It is a part of who I am and I know it influences the way I live my life but it doesn't control it anymore. I know the pink ribbons bring in money for research but at times it feels like all of the breast cancer survivors are being "pimped out" - exploited in order to make money. Many of the products with the pink ribbons give maybe 2 cents per purchase to breast cancer. I don't know it just seems way out of balance and I for one will be glad when the month is over and I can buy a yogurt or a box of tissues without a pink ribbon on it. I do donate to breast cancer causes but I research them and try to ensure that my donations are getting put towards something that will make a real difference. I do believe that the message is out there though about early detection and maybe we have the pink ribbons to thank for that. I suppose if it helps one woman find her tumor early enough to save her life than it is worth me having to see the ribbons everywhere and feeling crappy. I did get a call yesterday afternoon from a woman I know who had a mammo that showed some areas of calcification. She was scheduled to go to have a biopsy done today. I have not heard from her today and I am really hoping she is okay. She is a nurse and she seems to think based on what they have told her that more than likely she is not fine. Her twin boys went to Pre-K and Kindergarten with my daughter and her husband is one of my husband's competitors. We traveled together quite a bit last year because we both took the kids out of school and tagged along on some of the husbands' business trips. It was really nice to have someone to spend time with on these trips and to have someone for the kids to play with. She also has a 9 year old daughter who is just super sweet and after our trips I found a little note in my daughter's room expressing her love for one of the twins. So, I am anxious to get her call but I'm sure she probably doesn't have any news and won't until the biopsy results come back. Maybe I'll call after the weekend to schedule a playdate with the boys and give her some time to herself.

As for relief - I heard some news today about a fellow blogger whom I consider a friend which I know is kind of ridiculous because even though I have been reading her blog for a while I really don't know her nor she me - maybe that is just the world of blogging. Anyway, she was facing a breast cancer scare and she found out today that she is fine. I can not tell you how relieved I was to read that. I keep getting choked up about it every time I think about her. I am just so relieved.